


Please, Make it Stop

by Apollo_is_my_DJ



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Chiron cares for his campers, Depressed Will Solace, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I swear it sucks less than it sounds, It's okay to need help, Nico is there to help, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Will is not okay, Will-centric, post blood of olympus, pre-Trials of Apollo, solangelo, these kids have been through so much, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apollo_is_my_DJ/pseuds/Apollo_is_my_DJ
Summary: Now that the war with Gaea is over, Will Solace should feel relieved. For a time he does, spending his days helping out in the infirmary and every other second of his time with his new boyfriend, the mysterious son of Hades himself, Nico Di Angelo. But soon, a familiar ache takes up residence in Will's chest, making him question whether he would ever cease to be at war.Will needs help.
Relationships: Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase
Comments: 48
Kudos: 158





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> In case you somehow missed the tags, this is a TRIGGER WARNING. This story will largely focus on distressing themes such as self-harm and mental illness. Seriously, if this will trigger you in any way, please don't read ahead. Your safety is worth so much more than a dumb fic. 
> 
> Also, this is mostly a vent fic for me so if my depictions seem incorrect or untrue to you, sorry. I obviously don't want to make light of any of the issues in here, and this is based on my experiences so again, if it isn't the same for you, sorry. 
> 
> Message me if I forget to tag anything triggering.

It had been almost a month since the war with Gaea ended, and Camp Half-Blood was finally getting back to normal. Dryads, Naiads and Satyrs worked to regrow some of the trees that had been uprooted and destroyed during the fighting. The damage to the cabins had been repaired by a team of Athena and Hephaestus campers, and the children of Demeter had worked tirelessly to stitch up the cracks in the earth with grass and flowers. Most importantly, the atmosphere had changed, and for the first time in a long time, Camp Half-Blood felt safe again. 

Once all the burial rights were carried out and the repairs were completed, normal camp schedules resumed, as per Chiron’s orders. Of course, many of the camp’s strict rules were conveniently overlooked, for example, one that required campers to eat meals with their cabin-mates. Understandably, morale had been low in the weeks that followed the war’s end, and camper’s seemed pleased that they could sit with their friends and comrades. As the days went on, people began to smile more, and meals went from being somber and quiet to having a constant hum of conversation and laughter. 

The demigods of Camp Half-Blood would be forever changed by the war: the wounds they suffered, the friends they lost, and the feeling, deep within even the bravest hearts, that they might not win this time. These would be memories they would carry with them for the rest of their lives. But for the moment, they were content. 


	2. Why in Hades are you under the table?

Will nearly dropped his slice of pepperoni pizza when he felt the table jostle beneath him. He grabbed a butter knife from the table, getting ready to stab what his battle instincts assumed was a rogue monster within camp borders when he heard a string of curse words and saw a familiar mop of jet black hair. 

Will placed the knife back on the table and offered his idiotic boyfriend a hand up. “Nico, what in _Hades_ are you doing under the table?” 

The son of Hades gently touched the knot that was likely forming on the top of his head and cringed. His head was sore, and looking around the pavilion he realized a few campers were staring at him, no doubt wondering why the son of Hades had emerged from underneath a table. Luckily nobody at the Apollo table, save Will, had noticed his abrupt and strange appearance. 

“I was doing something for Hades,” Nico replied, stealing a slice of pizza off of Will’s plate and taking a bite. He continued with his mouth full, “Wasn’t paying attention when I landed. I was aiming for the pillar by the buffet table.”

“You _shadow travelled?_ ” Will whispered, but there was a degree of shock to his tone. A few of the other Apollo campers were starting to take notice of Nico’s presence andKayla and Austin gave him a quick wave before going back to their own conversations. 

“Just a little.” Nico shrugged, taking another bite of his pizza. 

“Nico! I said _no_ underworldly powers until you were back to full strength.”

“Holy Hera, calm down Solace.” Nico was smirking.“I took some unicorn draught once I reached the Underworld. Besides, I have to go when my father summons me, and it’s not like there’s a fireman pole to the land of the dead.”

Will raised an eyebrow at Nico, but some of the tension released from his shoulders and the corners of his mouth twitched. 

“A fireman’s pole to the Underworld would be _super_ awesome.”

“Yeah, but how would you get back up?”

“…Yeah, climbing doesn’t seem realistic.”

“You’re such a dork, Solace.”

Nico and Will settled back into a comfortable rhythm of playful flirting and sarcastic comments. Nico tried to steal another slice of Will’s pizza, who smacked his hand away and told him to get his own and made sacrifices before dinner was over. Nico grumbled under his breath but made his way to the food table anyways. He grabbed another slice of pizza and some veggies, swiping some juicy carrots and a baked potato into the flames just in time for the buffet table to disappear and Chiron to stand up for evening announcements.

Nico returned to the Apollo table, plunking his food down next to Will and turning to face Chiron, occasionally shoving a slice of pizza or some carrots into his mouth. Will made a grab for his free hand, but Nico jerked away out of instinct. He shot Will a sheepish grin and allowed the blonde to take his hand. Will smiled. 

“Attention, campers!” Chiron stomped his hoof on the ground a few times. “Tomorrow, we will be holding a special event, courtesy of Harley from the Hephaestus cabin.”

The Hephaestus campers let out a few victorious _whoops_ and _hoorays,_ giving playful punches to a weirdly-buff eight-year-old boy who was sitting at the end of the table, looking pleased with himself.

Chiron continued. “In light of the war, I think it is time for Camp Half-Blood to create some new traditions, so tomorrow, we will holding our first ever Three-Legged Death race!” 

Everyone but the Hephaestus cabin looked around nervously. The fact that it was called a three-legged _death_ race was enough to have people worried. 

“I have been informed by Harley,” Chiron continued, sensing the wave of uneasiness that came over the camp, “that this race will be no more dangerous than our usual capture the flag game, which we will have on Friday as scheduled. You have until breakfast tomorrow to choose your partners and inform me. That is all.”

“Will you be my partner, Death Boy?” 

“Sorry, I promised Drew that if we ever did a death race I would be her partner.” Nico rolled his eyes. “Of course I’ll be your partner, dork.”

Will flicked Nico on the ear, before resting his head on the son of Hades’ shoulder. 

“…Why Drew?”

Nico shrugged. “Worst person I could think of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think so leave me a comment if you want :)


	3. I feel like a princess!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Nico prepare for the race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the filler. This chapter was originally going to be the actual race but once I started writing I realized how long it is. Also, figured I'd keep the story light for now :)

On the day of the big race, the camp was a flurry of nervous energy. Harley and Nyssa were running around making last-minute adjustments to the course while the rest of the campers flocked to the armoury, frantically polishing weapons and readjusting armour straps. 

There was a rumour going around camp (courtesy of Connor Stoll) that Harley had created exploding chainsaw Frisbee’s, especially for the race. Connor didn’t exactly have a reputation for starting truthful rumours, but nonetheless everyone made sure to grab more than their usual battle gear.

Will fiddled with the strap of his breastplate as he walked over to the dining Pavilion to meet Nico, who was sitting at the Hades table sharpening his Stygian iron blade with a whetstone. 

“You ready for the race, Nico?” 

The son of Hades looked up at his boyfriend, the corners of his mouth twitching like he was trying to suppress a smile, before pocketing his whetstone and standing up. 

“Knowing Harley, probably not,” Nico replied, walking towards the forest entrance where the race would be starting. 

Will fell into step next to Nico and took in his appearance. When Nico fought during the battle for Camp Half-Blood, he was on the verge of fading and had been wearing a ridiculous tropical shirt that made him look like he came home early from his Hawaiian vacation to slay some monsters. 

Now, the son of Hades looked properly heroic. He had traded his tropical polo for an obsidian-black breastplate and a matching black skull-shaped helmet. Nico truly had grown into his body and his armour, and his arms, once pale and boney, were now strong and toned like a warrior. 

Suddenly, Will felt a bit ridiculous. His boyfriend looked like he was ready to stare down an army of monsters as he sat swimming in his hodgepodge of borrowed armour. 

Will adjusted his armour as best he could, but the left shoulder strap of his breastplate dug into his skin, while the right hung unevenly loose from his shoulder. He had a worn pair of bronze greaves on his shins and the oversized helmet that he borrowed from Austin was pushing his curly hair down into his eyes, making it hard to see. 

Will dropped his gaze, tangling his fingers in the sleeves of the shirt long white shirt he wore under his camp one. Will yanked the sleeves down and looked up to see Nico studying him, eyebrow raised. Will's ears went red, and he let go of the sleeves and gave Nico a shy smile as Nico focused his attention on Will's head. He must have noticed the son of Apollo blinking hair out of his eyes, because he reached over and yanked the oversized helmet off, tucking it under his arm. 

“Hey!” Will protested. “I need that!”

Nico chuckled. “Do not. You couldn’t even see properly.”

A horn blew in the distance. Five minutes till the start of the race. 

Will conceded. “Okay, that might be a _little_ true, but I’m really not looking to get my head chopped off, so, gimme.”

Will made a grab for the helmet, but Nico was quicker. He switched the helmet to his other hand and glanced around before noticing Austin and Kayla a few meters away, heading towards the woods. 

“Hey, Austin. Heads up!” Nico chucked the helmet towards the son of Apollo, who caught it with ease. “Will changed his mind!” 

Will crossed his arms across his chest, glaring at a smirking son of Hades. 

“So if I die, I’m blaming you, Death Boy.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, you big baby.” 

“That’s so _heroic_ of you Neeks,” Will smirked, watching the blush creep up Nico’s cheeks. “I feel like a _princess._ ”

“Ugh, shut _up,_ Solace _,_ ” Nico groaned. 

The two boys came to a stop at the entrance to the forest, where the rest of the camp was gathered, chatting with their partners while they awaited instructions. Will glanced around. 

Most of the campers had apparently paired up with their siblings, though Will noticed there was a dangerous Athena-Hermes pair that spelled trouble - Connor Stoll and Malcolm Pace. Strategy and trickery seemed like a deadly combo. 

Chiron was standing at the front of the crowd in full-centaur form, talking with Harley and Nyssa. His saddle-bags were overflowing with bandages and squares of ambrosia. After a few more minutes of idle chatter, Nyssa handed a big burlap sack to a satyr named Woodrow. 

“If I could have your attention, please!” Chiron clapped his hands together, and a hush fell over the camp. Will gripped Nico’s hand. 

“We are just about ready to begin the race, so it’s time to go over the rules.Woodrow is handing out chains that will tether you to your partner. They are rigged to open upon successful completion of the race, so I suggest you not waste time trying to prematurely remove it.” He sent a pointed look towards Connor Stoll, who seemed slightly put out at the news. “Successful completion of the race is the collection and return of three golden apples to camp, which have been hidden inside the Labyrinth.”

Will felt Nico’s hand tense up. He glanced up at his boyfriend, who kept his eyes trained on the front, clenching his jaw. Will gave Nico’s hand a comforting squeeze, methodically rubbing circles with his thumb. While the Labyrinth had taken on a much more benign character since Daedalus’ death, Nico had some unpleasant memories from within the maze.Will knew it had something to do with an ill-intentioned ghost and some monsters, but Nico refused to say anything beyond that.

Chiron glanced around at his campers, watching as Woodrow handed out the last of the leg-loops. “Once everyone has been tied to their partner, the race will begin.”

Nico’s gaze broke away from the front, settling on what looked a resistance band of braided metal. He placed it on the ground, and both he and Will stepped a foot into the loop. While Nico set about tightening the chain, Will studied his boyfriend. 

“Are you okay, Nico?”

“Yeah,” grumbled Nico. “Just don’t like the Labyrinth too much.”

Will nodded. He knew Nico was uncomfortable and Will just wanted to make it all better. 

_Say something, idiot. He’s clearly upset._

Will opened his mouth to mumble what likely would have been a pathetic apology when Chiron blew the horn and announced that teams needed to start making their way to the tree line. 

“C’mon.” Nico stood up stiffly. “Let’s try and get a good spot.”

Walking with their legs attached took some getting used to, and by the time the two boys reached the starting line, they had a pretty good rhythm going. 

They watched as the other teams stumbled around. A few campers like Malcolm and Connor had mastered it, but Kayla tripped over her own foot and nearly landed with her head in the bell of Austin’s saxophone. 

Nico grabbed Will’s hand, who looked up to find the son of Hades grinning. Will felt his shoulders relax. 

Chiron addressed the crowd one last time. “Campers, stay safe and have fun.”

Harley grabbed the horn from Chiron, screaming “On your marks, get set, GO!”

There was a flurry of frantic hands and tangled limbs as the campers plunged into the maze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think :)


	4. Into the Maze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Nico search for the golden apples.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another light chapter with some action. The next chapter will start getting into Will's issues.

Will and Nico were among the first teams to enter the Labyrinth. Predictably, the first pair was Holly and Laurel Victor followed closely by Malcolm and Connor and Sherman Yang and Paolo Montes. 

The maze seemed to sense their entry, because before the teams had a chance to catch their breath, the floor started to shake and three massive stone partitions erupted from the ground, cutting the teams off from each other and the maze’s entrance. Everything was black. 

Will blinked frantically, glancing around the room as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

“The way back looks sealed, and I don’t see us breaking through the walls anytime soon.” Will patted the stone partition with the palm of his hand. He ran his fingers across the centre, feeling for any cracks or divots but finding none. “It’s solid stone.”

Nico sighed,looking around to get his bearings. He was usually pretty good underground… He squinted, noticing a dim light about two kilometres from where they were standing. 

“I think it’s this way, Solace.” Nico grabbed Will’s hand. The blonde stumbled blindly, letting his boyfriend tug him along. 

“Lead the way, Ghost King.”

The two boys walked down the dark stone corridor for what felt like a few minutes (though knowing the Labyrinth, it could’ve been a few days).The stone floor slowly shifted into marble-tile as the corridor merged into a massive stone cavern with a vaulted ceiling and Corinthian columns circling the outer perimeter. 

The two boys stopped for a second, taking in the scenery change - it was _definitely_ better than the dark hallway. It was surprisingly humid, and Will almost regretted wearing a long-sleeved tee underneath his orange camp shirt - _almost._

Nico stared ahead, a grin creeping onto his face. Will raised an eyebrow. 

“No way,” Nico whispered, pointing in front of him. “This is _way_ too easy.”

Will followed his gaze and stifled a gasp. 

In the centre of the ring of columns was a forty-foot tall oak tree, growing out of a small raised garden. At the base was a wooden planter’s box that wrapped around the garden in the shape of an octagon, and sitting atop the soil...

“The apples,” breathed Will. “You’re right, this has to be a trap. There’s no way Harley would leave this many together.”

Nico nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the apples, studying them. He took a tentative step closer with his free foot, gesturing for Will to follow. The two boys tiptoed awkwardly to the base of the tree, pressing their heels on the marble tiles checking for pressure plates, and waving their hands in front of them looking for motions sensors of any kind. You could never be too careful with Harley. 

Will let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when they finally made it to the planters box. _Maybe they could just grab them and be done?_

Nico crouched down so he was level with the apples. “Well,” sighed Nico. “Here goes nothing.” 

Will bit his lip, his hand absentmindedly tracing its way up to his forearm where he began scratching it in nervous anticipation.

Nico made a grab for the apple, and his hand went right through it. 

“What in Hades?” Nico jumped back, nearly toppling Will over, hand on the hilt of his sword 

Will glanced around nervously, waiting for a monster to come barreling out of a hidden trap door and devour them. He waited…And waited…

A few tense seconds passed, but as far as the two boys could tell, nothing happened. 

Nico loosened his grip on the hilt of his sword. 

“Maybe try another one?” Will suggested. Nico shrugged and they took a few steps to the left, before making a grab for another apple.

Again, his hand sailed through. 

“This is getting annoying,” grumbled Nico. “One of these _has_ to be real.”

Will scratching behind his head. “There’s only about 10 here, we might as well just check them all.”

The two boys circled around the oak tree. On his third attempt, Will’s hand made contact with the fruit, and he felt a wave of relief. It felt like they’d been down in the Labyrinth for hours and he was ready to be done. He picked up the apple and handed it to Nico. 

“ _Finally,_ I’m so done with this stupid-“

_Whoosh!_

“Get down!” Nico shouted, before pushing Will over and falling down on his stomach next to him. 

They heard what sounded like an arrow hit the stone wall, followed by a loud groaning creak. They both lifted their heads frantically. This could _not_ be good. 

A divot had opened up in the wall and a large mechanical arm emerged, holding a giant-sized hammer. 

“Oh, _Hades._ ” 

The hammer slammed into the column next to it, which tipped over into the next one. The ring of about thirty columns started toppling over like dominoes, shaking the cavern with such force that the marbles tiles began to crack and crumble. 

Will felt Nico yank him up by the shirt. 

“C’mon, we’ve got to get out of here _now!_ ” The son of Hades pointed towards an archway about a football field away to their left. “Move!”

It took a few steps to get the hang of running away from a collapsing cavern with three-legs but soon the two boys took off running, dodging falling debris like characters in a video-game. Will didn’t know if he was holding on tighter to Nico’s hand or the apple. 

Once they reached the archway, they collapsed against the stone walls, panting. Will rubbed at his ankle and hissed. The band was tearing into the flesh around his ankle. Nico seemed unaffected, but Zeus only knows that boy has an inhumanly high pain tolerance. 

Once the two boys caught their breath, they stood up and went forward once again. They were about to turn a corner when they heard a loud bang and string of exclamations in a language neither of them understood. 

Will craned his neck towards the noise and whispered, “That almost sounded like-“

“Paolo and Sherman,” finished Nico. “Let’s go that way.”

They rounded the corner just in time to see Paolo and Sherman freeze, mid-argument, in a massive block of ice. The only thing that wasn’t enveloped in a frozen prison was Sherman’s left hand, which held a golden apple. 

Nico chuckled to himself, dragging Will towards them and plucking the apple right out of Sherman’s hand. 

Will gave Nico a pointed look. “Neeks, we can’t just take it.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Why in Hades _wouldn’t_ we take it?”

“Because they’re trapped. It feels like we’re kicking them while they’re already down.”

Nico just shrugged, pocketing the apple. “I think this is far gameplay. And besides,” he gestured to an alarm clock that was attached to a row of high-powered hair-dryers. “They’re going to defrost in a few minutes. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not be here when they do. Let’s go?”

Will felt like protesting, but Sherman looked pissed and Will _really_ wanted out of this stupid maze. 

“Fine, let’s get the last apple and get out of here.”

Nico smirked. “I’m really rubbing off on you, aren’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment? They help keep me motivated and help me figure out what I'm doing well/poorly. Thanks to anyone reading this :)


	5. You saved him, Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paolo gets hurt and Will heals him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for gore, panic/anxiety attacks and a subtle-ish reference to self-harm. Also, I don't know anything about medical procedures so just go with it lol.

Will materialized next to a tree with such force he nearly took out a low hanging branch with his face. He felt his stomach grumbling and lurching so he leaned into a bush just in time for his breakfast to make a reappearance. 

Will glanced over at Nico, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “That was fucking _awful_. How in Hades do you do that all the time?”

“I got used to it.” Nico looked a little pale, and a bead of sweat was trailing down the side of his face, but otherwise, he looked unaffected. 

Will felt another wave of nausea hit him. He bent over again and felt himself retch, but nothing came up. 

Nico raise an eyebrow. “You good there, _doctor_?”

Will smiled, taking a deep breath and standing up. He could practically feel Nico smirking at him. “Yeah, I’m good. Glad the stupid race is over with.” 

Will glanced down at his ankle. Apparently he had been too distracted with the after-effects of shadow-travel to notice that the metal band had clicked open and was now lying at his feet. Nico picked it up and pocketed it. 

“Cool. You still got the apples?” Nico asked, holding one aloft as Will produced the other two from his fanny pack. “Good. Let’s get these over to Chiron then.”

The two boys walked slowly over to the dining pavilion, their free hands intertwined. Will was a little wobbly, though he tried to act like he was fine, which Nico found both infuriating and adorable.

It had taken a lot out of both of them to get the last apple. After their encounter with Paolo and Sherman, they came to a small, dimly lit room lined with purple-flame torches. The apple had been floating on a small brass plate in the middle of a pool of suspiciously dark water, which of _course_ had to be guarded by a massive bronze bull with whirring horns and stale lunch-meat breath and a team of docile exploding chainsaw-frisbees that milled about on the floor like a bunch of death-Roomba's. 

Plan A had been Nico-distracts-the-bull-while-Will-awkwardly-reaches-for-the-apple, which, unsurprisingly, went wrong immediately. It was nearly impossible to sneak while tied to someone's leg, the bull noticed Will within seconds, more interested in skewering the son of Apollo than listening to Nico verbally abuse it. 

From there, the plan changed to hobble-away-from-a-charging-death-bull-before-it-kills-you. Nico managed to spear the apple with his blade while Will floored the bull with his by repeatedly making his horrible ultrasonic whistle noise, but not before Nico’s foot triggered a once-peaceful chainsaw frisbee into uniting forces with its cousins and exploding into a firework show of deadly shrapnel. 

Luckily for both of them, Nico was able to shadow-travel them both out of the maze before either one could incur more than a few cuts and scrapes. It hurt, but it was nothing a little ambrosia couldn’t heal. 

Will and Nico found Chiron near the head table of the dining pavilion, his saddle-bags significantly lighter than they had been at the start of the race. He was talking with Woodrow the satyr and handing out bandages to campers. 

Chiron heard the two boys come up behind him and smiled. “Glad to see you both made it out of the Labyrinth in one piece. Congratulations, you are the fourth team to finish.”

“Who won?” Nico asked, handing his and Will’s apples to the harpies. 

“Holly and Laurel, which I don’t believe comes as a surprise to anyone. Those two are very competitive.” Both boys nodded. “Anyways, congratulations again. The rest of the teams should be finishing soon, so I suggestyou two wash up before lunch.” And with that, the centaur trotted away. 

Will turned to Nico, who had removed his helmet, his face and hair glistening with sweat. Will stood for a moment, appreciating his boyfriend's fierce appearance, before shifting his focus. “You need some unicorn draught, Neeks. C’mon.”

Nico groaned but nonetheless followed Will to the infirmary. Once they arrived, Nico took his customary seat on a clean cot while Will rummaged through the cabinets. After a few seconds, he let out a satisfied whistle and appeared at Nico’s side with a silvery vial. 

“Here you go,” he said, pouring the contents into a small disposable dixie cup. “Drink up.” 

Nico took the cup and raised it to his lips. He sat up straighter, feeling his strength return to him once again. He had gotten better at dealing with the effects of shadow-travel over the years, but ever since the near-fading experience he had during the war with Gaea, he took his health more seriously. It probably had something to do with his healer boyfriend, but who was really keeping track…

“Your turn, Solace.” Nico gestured an unopened pack of ambrosia on the counter.

Will almost protested out of habit - doctors truly were the _worst_ patients - but conceded, tearing open the package and taking a small bite of an ambrosia square. His nausea immediately disappeared, and he felt better. “Thank the gods,” he laughed. “I am _never_ shadow-travelling again.”

Nico rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“Says you, Death Breath,” Will chuckled. 

Nico raised his hands in defence, chuckling “yeah, whatever. I’m going to go back to my cabin and take a shower. You wanna walk back with me?”

“No thanks,” Will replied. “I’m going to hang around here for a bit, just in case anyone comes back super injured. I don’t think there are many Apollo kids back yet.”

“Okay, see you at lunch then?” Nico rubbed the back of his neck, standing up from the cot. 

“It’s a date!” Will beamed. 

Nico chuckled to himself and muttered “dork,” disappearing out the front door. 

* * *

Will hand just finished taking his armour off when the infirmary door slammed open.

“Will!” It was Kayla, and she sounded desperate and afraid, which was a sharp contrast from her usual chirpy demeanour. 

He whipped around and took in the scene, his brain immediately shifting into healer mode. 

Kayla and Austin were drenched in blood, awkwardly supporting Paolo Montes, who was barely clinging to consciousness, mumbling incoherently in Portuguese. Sherman Yang was on their heels, carrying two bloody detached arms. 

“Oh, my gods!” Will rushed to their side. “Get him on a cot, now! What in Hades happened to him?” 

Kayla and Austin set Paolo down on a cot, trying to prop him up as best they could while Will checked his vitals. His pulse was weak. _He was losing so much blood._

_“_ Sherman said they got hit by a round of those stupid death-frisbee’s, but that’s all we know,” Austin replied, tying a tourniquet around Paolo’s shoulder.“We came out of the Labyrinth and found them right by the entrance. Ran here as quickly as we could.”

Will nodded. _“_ We need to stop the bleeding, _now._ ” His voice was urgent. If they didn’t reattach Paolo’s arms soon…

_No. Focus on the job. Worry about the consequences later._

He looked around, searching for the nearest suture kit and some ambrosia and nectar. His gaze fell upon a stunned Sherman, who was staring glassy-eyed at Paolo’s bed, holding the two dismembered arms. 

“Sherman,” Will spoke sternly in a bid to snap Sherman out of his panic-induced trance.“We’re can’t do this alone man, so you need to put aside whatever you’re feeling right now and _help us._ ” 

Sherman’s gaze focused and he looked at Will, nodding grimly. “Okay. Yeah, tell me what you need.”

Will pulled a supply trolley next to Paolo’s bed, snapping on a pair of surgical gloves and turning to his siblings. “We need to reattach his arms. If we can stitch them back on in the next five minutes, the ambrosia and nectar should be enough to stop the bleeding before he needs a transfusion.” He gestured for Sherman to give Kayla the hands, and she placed them on the bed next to Paolo. 

“Kayla, you’re going to hold his arms in place while I reattach them, and Austin, once I’ve stitched them on I want you to pour nectar over the stitches.” Both siblings nodded, donning a pair of surgical gloves and taking their positions next to Paolo’s bed once again. Will turned to Sherman. “I need you to hold him down because this is going to hurt like hell.”

* * * 

It took about two hours, but they managed to get Paolo’s arms back on. A few minutes into the reattaching process, Paolo went into shock, but after a healing hymn and a quick prayer to Apollo, he came to. Once the stitches were in place, the nectar helped to regrow the skin, slowing and eventually stopping the bleeding. They fed Paolo some ambrosia, which seemed to help with the pain, but his arms would be swollen and raw for the next few weeks, even with regular nectar reapplication. 

Once Kayla, Austin and Sherman left to hit the showers, the adrenaline crash hit Will. _Hard._

His entire body felt like lead, so he sat down on a clean cot next to Paolo’s, his hands trembling. He had been head-healer for a few years now, but dealing with trauma cases like this never got any easier. Usually, campers came in with burns from the rock wall, or arrow and sword injuries, which took a few stitches and some ambrosia to fix. He’d _never_ had a camper sever a limb before, much less both their arms. 

Will felt his eyes water as a shudder ran through his entire body. He brought a sleeve up to his face to wipe away the tears that were falling freely, leaving little water-stains on the hem of his shorts. 

He whispered, “breathe, Solace. Fucking _breathe,_ ” as he grasped his head in his trembling hands, trying not to think about what might have happened if Paolo had been found just a few minutes later…if Austin hadn’t tied a tourniquet around his shoulders…if Will hadn’t been _good enough…_

Will bit his lip as a pained cry passed through his lips, barely making it to his own ears. He glanced at Paolo’s bed, checking to make sure he wasn’t awake to hear Will completely fucking _losing it._

_I need to calm down. I need…Something to make it stop…_

Will hadn’t realized that he pulled his left sleeve up until he felt the cool air nip at his exposed wrist. 

He snapped his head up, yanking his sleeve down again just as he heard footsteps make their way towards the infirmary. 

“Will?” He heard Austin call softly. He could have sworn Austin left to shower not five minutes ago. 

_Oh, gods. Had he been crying that long?_

Will quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and stood up, collecting loose supplies from around the room in an attempt to look busy. 

“You should go clean up, Will.” Austin came to a stop next to Paolo’s bed, leaning on the chair at his bedside. “I’ll take over for a bit.”

Will nodded,not bothering to turn around and face his brother. “Sounds good,” he mumbled. “Thanks.”

Will dropped the last few supplies onto a surgical trolley and heading for the door. He mumbled a half-hearted goodbye when he heard his brother call his name one last time. 

“You did well, Will. You saved him.” 

Will only nodded, before disappearing out the front door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for comments to let me know what you think!


	6. Reminders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will is stressed out after healing Paolo and Nico tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of canon character deaths, panic/anxiety attack, self-harm urges (not explicit but you can easily tell what I'm referring to), and swearing. Proceed with caution.

Will wasn’t all that surprised when his feet carried him to the front door of the Hades Cabin. He knew he didn’t want to go back to the Apollo cabin. Kayla was _way_ too good at reading him and would send a barrage of questions his way that he didn’t have the energy to answer.

He knew he had missed lunch by a good hour, so he knew Nico was either back in his cabin or he was training in the arena. Will _really_ hoped it was the former. He knocked on the door. 

_Thank the gods,_ Will thought as the door swung open, revealing a somewhat annoyed looking son of Hades. 

“Why weren’t you at lunch, Solace?” Nico took in Will’s bloody clothes and tear-stained cheeks, immediately dropping his accusatory tone. “Oh my gods, Will. You’re covered in blood, what happened?”

“Paolo got really hurt and…” Will trailed off. He bit his lip, feeling like he was about to cry all over again. “Can I come in?”

Nico scratched the back of his neck, shuffling out of the way. “Yeah of course. Come in.”

Will shuffled through the door, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. He usually went right to Nico’s bed to sit down but he didn’t want to get blood all over his sheets. 

Nico froze for a half a second as if deciding what to say, before grabbing Will by the wrist and leading him to the bathroom. 

“You should get yourself cleaned up, and then maybe when you’re done you can tell me what happened?”

Will felt like protesting because he didn’t think he had the energy to shower, but he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and decided he needed to. He was a _mess._

“Yeah, a shower sounds good right now.”

Nico squeezed Will’s hand. “I’ll grab you a towel and change of clothes.”

“Nothing with skulls Death Boy,” Will said half-heartedly, though the son of Hades laughed nonetheless. 

“No skulls, I promise.”

* * * 

Will’s body felt numb as the hot water scorched its way down his back, seeping into his bones and chasing away the last remnants of his adrenaline crash. He felt a wave of calm wash over him, as the monotonous sound of water falling onto the tiled floor lulled his racing mind into a sense of contentment. No doubt his inner monologue of chaos would be back when the water shut off, but he figured he would enjoy what little peace and quiet he could get. 

He heard Nico come in a few minutes ago with what he assumed was a change of clothes and a towel. Will had finished cleaning himself up a while ago, all traces of sweat and blood washed down the drain. He stuck his head under the stream of water, closing his eyes. He hummed to himself, the simple tune lifting his spirits a bit more. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes, looking down as his stomach and thighs, before sighing, and turning off the water. 

_It was nice while it lasted._

He peeked out from behind the shower curtain, his eyes eventually finding the towel and clothes stacked on the counter next to the shower. He patted his hair dry before stepping out, towel around his waist. 

True to his word, Nico had lent him one of the few outfits he owned that didn’t have skulls of other death-related symbols - simple black sweats and a Ramones t-shirt. The sweats were a little loose, and he felt exposed in only a t-shirt, so when he left the bathroom, he made a beeline for Nico’s closet, arms wrapped protectively across his chest. 

“You cold?” Nico asked from his bed, as he watched the son of Apollo pull on a navy blue hoodie that was so dark it was basically black. 

“I’m a bit chilly,” Will admitted, “but I mostly just like how comfy your sweaters are.”

Nico nodded. His back was against the cabin wall, legs crossed at the ankle in front of his, arms resting behind his head. Will took this as an invitation, walking over to the bed and sitting next to Nico and placing a hand on his lap. 

“You good, Solace?” Nico asked. “I’ve never seen you that bad after healing someone.”

Will sighed. “Yeah, I’m okay. Paolo got hurt pretty badly during the race and healing him was intense. I think I just had one hell of a crash.” 

Nico didn’t say anything, but Will knew he was curious about what happened. 

“He got both his arms cut off by one of those frisbees.”

“ _Fucking Hades._ ” Nico breathed. “That’s so bad.”

Will let out a hollow laugh, suddenly interested in a loose thread on one of his - _Nico’s_ -sweater sleeves. “Yeah, there was a second there where I didn’t think we’d be able to reattach them, but he’s okay now.”

Nico brought a hand down to his lap, grabbing Will’s fidgeting hand firmly in his. “Are you okay, though? Like, do you need anything?”

“I’m okay Neeks,” Will smiled before a thought popped into his head. He started to lean in towards Nico, before suddenly changing his mind, shifting back to his original position. Nico glanced down curiously. 

“Was that you trying to go for a hug?” He asked, and Will nodded shyly. “You know if you want a hug, you can just ask, right?” His tone was serious, almost as if he could sense Will’s insecurity about asking.  “I know I’m still not used to the whole physical-contact-with-another-living-human thing, but you’re obviously the exception, Will. Besides, I’m not a dick and if you want a hug when you’re sad I’m more than willing to give you one.”

“I just don’t want to push you into things you aren’t comfortable with,” Will reasoned. 

Nico rolled his eyes. “Oh my gods, can you not be a doctor for like one second and let someone help _you?_ ” Nico wrapped an arm around Will, pulling him towards his chest. “You’re so dumb sometimes, you know that right?”

Will’s cheeks reddened as a smile crept up his face. “What can I say, it’s one of my more endearing qualities.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking in each other's company, when Will’s stomach let out a huge growl. Will blushed, suddenly remembering that he had been so busy healing Paolo that he missed lunch. 

Nico took the opportunity to jokingly regurgitate one of Will’s own lectures about “the importance of eating at regular times during the day to maintain energy levels” while he rummaged through a backpack, finally producing a protein bar and a soda. 

Will raised an eyebrow before gladly accepting the snack. 

“What,” Nico shrugged. “I always keep a bag packed in case my father summons me on a whim.”

“What else do you keep in your super-secret-quest-bag?” Will asked through a mouthful of chocolate and almond granola bar. 

Nico chucked the bag onto his bed and mumbled, “see for yourself.”

Will took the opportunity before Nico had the chance to change his mind. Even though they were dating, Nico was still a mysterious guy. 

The main pouch, where normal teenagers probably kept laptops and textbooks, was stocked full of mortal protein bars and soda, as well as a few small vials of unicorn draught, some packets of ambrosia and a small stash of bandages. Given Nico’s penchant for danger, Will half-expected him to run into battle with nothing but a snarky one-liner and a sword, so it comforted him to know that the son of Hades actually packed some medical supplies.

The middle pouch had a small notebook with a skull on it (because of _course_ it did) which Nico said he used to keep track of all the different summoning rituals and other Underworldly knowledge he had learned over the years.

Will made his way to the last pouch. It was the smallest pouch, only about the size of a fist, and it contained only two objects - a wallet-sized picture of Nico and Hazel, and a small figurine of a man in a black robe. 

Overcome by curiosity as to why the son of Hades carried around what looked like a small game piece, Will couldn’t stop himself from asking, “what is this?”

Will felt Nico tense and immediately regretted asking. “Sorry, you don’t have to tell me if it’s personal. I’m sorry I asked.”

Nico looked like he wanted to get mad because anger was something he actually _knew_ how to feel, but he stopped himself. He unclenched his fist and looked at Will. 

“Do you remember when I first came to camp and my sister went on that quest with Percy but never came back?”

Will nodded, tentatively grabbing Nico’s hand. He could sense the son of Hades was upset. 

Nico let out a breath and continued. “On the quest, my sister tried to bring something back for me, and it got her killed. That figurine is from a dumb game I used to play, and it’s the reason Bianca is dead.”

“I’m so sorry Neeks,” Will said softly. “I had no idea. I should have never asked. I’m so sorry.”

“Well, I didn’t have to show you my bag.” Nico snapped. 

Will felt a pang of hurt in his chest and started to pull his hand away from Nico when the son of Hades clenched it tighter, a sigh escaping his lips.

“I’m sorry I yelled.” Nico’s voice was genuine, albeit a little distant. “It’s just hard to talk about. People act like they get it, and they say they’re sorry without actually knowing _what_ they’re sorry for. And…it still hurts, you know?”

Will nodded solemnly. “Yeah, it does. You never get over it. Not really.”

Nico raised an eyebrow, before his eyes widened, realization setting in. _“Oh.”_

“Yeah,” Will sighed. “They might not have been my siblings the way that Bianca was your sister, but when Lee and Michael died it hurt. Hurts, I guess I should say. Even now.”

Nico locked eyes with his boyfriend “Just because they weren’t your mortal blood doesn’t make it hurt less, Will. Gods only know I’d tear Olympus down brick by brick if anything ever happened to Hazel.” 

Will smiled sadly, clutching Nico’s hand tighter and nodding slightly. He didn’t have to say anything, because he knew that Nico understood what the silence really meant. 

_Thank you._

Nico returned his gaze to the figurine, turning it over in his hand before clutching it tightly and bringing it to his chest. 

“That’s why I keep this stupid thing,” whispered Nico. “Even though she’s gone, I don’t ever want to forget her. It’s my reminder.”

_Reminder._ Will felt his stomach churn at that word. _A constant reminder._

“It’s always good to remember what you’ve lost,” Will quickly replied, starting to get up out of bed. His arm suddenly felt like it was _burning_. “I’m sorry Neeks, I just remembered I have to go back to the infirmary.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “Is everything okay?”

Will forced a smile, resisting the steadily increasing urge to scratch the _infernal itch_ on his forearm. 

“I promised Austin I’d help out at the infirmary once I got cleaned up. Sorry to run out on you Neeks, I completely forgot until now. How about we meet for dinner, and then we can hang out before the campfire?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” Nico didn’t look convinced, but he decided not to argue. “Have a good shift then. See you later.”

“Bye Neeks!” 

Once Will was sure he was out of sight of the Hades cabin, he allowed the panic to overtake him.He marched past the cabins, making a beeline for the Big House. He ran a hand through his hair and noticed it was trembling like a leaf. _His entire body was._

If he could just scratch that _stupid fucking itch_ then maybe he wouldn’t feel so flustered.Maybe he could calm down and go back to hanging out with Nico. 

_Don’t you dare Solace._ He chided himself. _Keep walking._

He tried to act like everything was normal as he passed by a few campers, sending a smile and a wave their way, hoping to the gods they didn’t notice how fast he was trying to get away. 

He finally came to the Big House and bounded up the stairs, heading straight for Chiron’s office. He walked with such purpose, but as he raised his hand to knock on the door, his courage wavered. He couldn’t bring his hand to knock no matter how hard he tried. 

Will found himself gasping for breath, so he pressed his back against the wall, feeling like a deflated balloon, as he tried to make everything _shut up_ for just one second so he could _fucking breathe._

_In one, two, three, four._ Hold. _Out, two, three, four…_

“Will?” A voice pulled Will from his thoughts, and he glanced up to see a concerned Chiron staring down at him. “Is everything okay?” 

Will tried to respond, but his voice failed him, sending a wave of tears down his face. 

He shook his head. 

_No. Everything was not okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a kudos to let me know what you think :)


	7. I'm not strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Chiron have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for explicit discussions of self-harm, anxiety/panic attacks, and swearing. Stay safe.

Will sat on a plush green armchair in the corner of Chiron’s office, a warm mug of tea on his lap.He was parched and wanted to take a sip of his drink, but every time he brought the mug to his lips, his shaky hands threatened to spill the scalding tea all over him.

Finally, he set the mug on the mahogany end-table next to him, his eyes fixed on the floor. He let out a shaky breath and clenched his fists together, counting to five, before relaxing his hands once more.

Chiron cleared his throat. Will looked up with bleary eyes to see the centaur, who had resigned himself to his magical wheelchair, sitting across from him. 

“How are you feeling, Will?” Chiron asked calmly. 

Will forced a polite smile on his face, before replying, “Fine.” 

Chiron raised an eyebrow, and Will dropped his gaze again, leaning back into the armchair as if hoping it would swallow him up. 

“Would you like to try that again?” 

Will nodded. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Not great.” Will bit his lip and tangled his fingers in the sleeve of his hoodie. “I want to…”

Chiron gave Will a small smile and nodded.

Will took a deep breath. “I’m having…having urges…” he replied softly. He could feel the tears starting to well up in his eyes, and his ears turned pink.

“Ah. I see. Can you tell me what kind of urges, Will?”

Will gritted his teeth. “You _know_ what kind.”

Chiron nodded. “Yes, but I want you to say it. This will never become easier for you if you are afraid of calling it by name.”

“Fine!” Will choked out. “I want to hurt myself!” Tears beginning to trickle down his face. “Is that what you want me to say? That I want to punch a wall until my hands bleed, and run a scalpel down my arms until I _feel_ something? Does that make you happy?”

Will cursed silently, running a hand through his blonde hair before resting his head in his hands. He rocked back and forth, watching in silence as the tears fell down the tip of his nose and onto the hardwood floor. 

“No part of this makes me happy, Will,” Chiron’s voice was soothing but firm. “I am sorry that you are in pain and that you feel the need to do such harmful things to yourself.”

_You and me both,_ thought Will bitterly. 

“Can you tell me what triggered you?”

“Yeah…It started after I healed Paolo. It was really intense, and there was a moment when I thought I might lose him.” Chiron nodded gravely. He had seen the mess that was Kayla and Austin hauling Paolo towards the infirmary. 

“Anyways, I went to Nico’s cabin after because I didn’t want to be alone. It went away for a bit but then I found this figurine thing and one thing led to another and… Next thing you know, we start talking about the people we’ve lost, and I just kept thinking about Michael, and Lee, and how maybe I could’ve saved them if I was a better healer, or a better fighter or just…better. And then it felt like my arms were on fire and I knew I had to get out of there before I did something stupid.”

Will was sobbing now, making no effort to push down the sadness that was bubbling inside his chest. 

Chiron pushed his wheelchair beside Will’s seat. He rested a hand on Will’s shoulder and the boy collapsed into his embrace, clutching him like the young, innocent teen that Chiron sometimes forgot he still was. 

“I am sorry, Will,” Chiron whispered. “The deaths of your siblings, while tragic and painful, were not your fault, and while it may have felt hopeless when you were healing Paolo, you saved his life. I promise you, this is only a setback. I know it most certainly does not feel like this now, but you are incredibly strong, Will.” 

Will jerked away from Chiron. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie before hugging his knees tightly to his chest. 

“I’m not strong…” Will mumbled weakly. “I’m weak…If I was strong I wouldn’t do this to myself…” He stuck out an arm. “I’m a fucking _coward._ ”

“Will Solace.” Chiron’s voice was strong and firm. “You are not a coward, nor are you weak. You recognized that you were having unsafe thoughts and you made the decision to talk to me about it. I know that must not have been easy, but it was the right thing to do.”

Will nodded weakly. Logically he knew that he had made the right call, but it made his heart heavy think that he needed to do it at all. How could be trusted to care for other campers when he was so clearly incapable of taking care of himself?

“Have you spoken to Nico about this?” Chiron inquired softly. 

Will shook his head. “He doesn’t know I’m fucked up like this. I don’t want him to scare him.”

Chiron chuckled. “You think that Nico di Angelo, the son of Hades who spends more time among reanimated corpses and ghosts, would be afraid of your mental health struggles?”

Will wanted to yell at Chiron for making light of the fact that he wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to throw something at the old centaur, storm out in a fit of rage and then scorch his entire body on the rock wall. Instead, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. 

Nico had fought monsters that Will had only read about, lived in the Underworld most of the time and for Hades’ sake that boy had been to Tartarus and back. Will was still uneasy about burdening his boyfriend with his troubles, but the idea that he might actually scare him away seemed more laughable than it had a few seconds ago. 

“I guess you’re right, as usual.” Will loosened his muscles, returning to a sitting position. “I should talk to Nico.”

“Only do what you feel comfortable doing,” Chiron advised. “But, I do believe he would want to know.”

Will nodded, wiping the last few tears that fell from his eyes. He felt tired, and his head hurt from crying. “I’m supposed to meet him for dinner, so I guess I’ll talk to him then.”

“What do you plan to do until then?”

“I don’t really know,” Will admitted. The only thing on his mind when he left the Hades cabin was _I’ve got to get to Chiron._ He hadn’t actually thought about what he might do when they finished talking. 

“I only ask because you mentioned earlier that you felt as though you might do something harmful if you were to be left alone.” Will’s cheeks flushed. “Is that something you still feel?”

Will nodded sadly. “Yeah…Kind of.”

“There is nothing to be ashamed of, Will.” Chiron patted the boy on the shoulder.“As for right now, Mr. D and I are due for a game of cards, and I know he’ll be delighted to have a third party to play pinochle.”

Will grinned. He’d heard about Chiron and Mr. D’s infamous pinochle games. “If you don’t mind watching me, I’d like that.”

“Wonderful,” Chiron beamed. He offered Will a hand, helping him up out of the plush green chair. Together, they gathered their discarded tea and marched slowly out of the office towards the rec room. 

Will’s spirits had increased considerably, and a faint smile crept its way onto his tear-stained face. That didn’t fool Chiron, who could see Will faintly scratching at his forearms, seemingly unaware. 

The two arrived at the rec room, which was empty save for a few younger campers playing ping-pong. Chiron and Will gave them a wave before Chiron corralled Will into a distant corner. 

“Before we drop the subject for now,” Chiron gestured for Will to take a seat in one of the chairs around a wooden coffee table, “we need to discuss sleeping arrangements for the night.”

“Oh. Yeah…”

“As you know, it is procedure for campers in your position to remain with me for a few nights to be monitored.”

Will glanced around nervously, no doubt checking to see if any of the room’s other occupants were listening in. He let out a breath when he saw, who he now recognized to be two Hermes campers, trying to shoot ping-pong balls coated in Cheez Whiz into the mouth of Seymour the wall-mounted leopard. 

Will turned back to Chiron. 

“Just this once, I think I’m going to make an exception. I know that you have a rough time being under watch, and I think having Nico with you would make it easier.”

Will raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I am permitting you to spend the night with Nico, provided you inform him of the situation. I will be out of camp for a few days, and I do not think it fair to leave you in the infirmary alone and force you to confide in one of your siblings.” 

Will had to force his jaw not to drop open. “Like… _in his cabin?”_ Camp rules had been loosened since the war ended, but the one rule that never budged was the no-two-campers-alone-in-a-cabin rule.

“Yes, in the Hades cabin.” Chiron couldn’t help but smile. “I know that these urges come with a great deal of shame, Will, and I truly believe that you will have an easier time with Nico by your side, away from the possibility of anyone else finding out.”

Will nodded. The last time he had this conversation with Chiron, things were much worse. Rather than catching himself before he did something, he actually _had_ relapsed, and he spent the entire night up screaming and eventually had to be sedated. 

Will shivered at the memory. Recovery was _fucking hard_. Even when he felt like he was doing well, a relapse always came eventually, and it was disheartening. He felt like he would never get better. The thought of going through it with Nico…

“Thank you, Chiron.” 

The centaur smiled. “You are welcome. I want you to feel safe. With that being said, there are a few conditions to which you must agree before we proceed.”

“Okay. I’ll do anything,” Will replied quickly. 

“You must swear two things to me. On the River Styx.”

Will felt like he had been punched in the gut. Just seconds ago, he was feeling proud that Chiron was placing an immense amount of trust in him, only to be told that he had to make an unbreakable oath for accountability. So much for trust. 

“O-okay.”

“First, you must promise that you will talk to Nico about what we have discussed, in full so he is aware of the situation. And second, you must promise me that if anything happens, whether you hurt yourself or you simply feel unsafe, you will go to the infirmary.”

“I swear it. On the Styx.”

Thunder rumbled overhead. The deal was made.

Just then, Mr. D waltzed into the room, a large chalice of wine in hand. After a pointed look from Chiron, the god snapped his fingers, rolling his eyes, and changed the wine into diet coke. 

“Oh, hey there.” Mr. D sat down next to Will. “Bill Solstice, right?”

“Um, it’s Will Solace, actually.” 

“Eh, same difference.” He tossed Chiron a deck of cards and took a satisfying sip of his coke. “Your deal, four-legs.”

It took a few rounds for Will to get the hang of the game, but once he did he realized he was actually pretty good. Either that or Mr. D was incredibly bad. It was hard to say. 

As they played, Will slowly began to feel more like himself. The tension had gone from his shoulders, and his usual sense of humour came back to him in pieces. 

Will felt a sudden flicker of hope burn somewhere inside him. He hadn’t relapsed this time. He caught himself before he could do anything he couldn’t take back, and that was progress. It had to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my crap dialogue tags, I'm hella tired rn. Anyways, hope you all enjoy, and I love hearing what you think so leave a comment:)


	8. Can I have a hug, please?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will struggles to get through dinner. Nico realizes something isn't right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for anxiety attacks, self-harm and swearing. If I forget to tag anything, as always, please let me know so I can fix it. 
> 
> Also sorry, it took so long for me to update, I was at my cottage and I didn't have wifi. Now that I'm back home the next chapter should be up in a few days. 
> 
> Stay safe!

Will made his way to the dining pavilion, a grin on his face. He had proven to be quite the pinochle master, winning a total of five rounds, with Chiron coming in at a close three and Mr. D bringing up the rear with a dismal one. Will had learned some colourful new words from Mr. D but was invited to play again any time, so he knew there were no real hard feelings.

A few campers were milling about, and there seemed to be a small crowd near the Big Three tables, but most of the camp was already seated. Will noticed Kayla corralling a few stray Apollo campers to their seats and made a mental note to thank her later for taking charge in his absence.

Will made his way towards the Apollo table, passing the Hermes cabin and catching the gaze of his friend, Cecil.

“Hey, Cecil.” Will waved.

“Sup, Will.” Cecil returned the wave just as a small hole spouted from the bottom of his cup, spilling what looked like grape juice all over his brown shorts.

Connor Stoll, who was sitting next to Cecil in the splash zone, scooted away laughing, his orange camp shirt speckled with purple drops.

“What the _actual_ Hades.” Cecil turned around and glared daggers at Lou Ellen, who waved at both Cecil and Will, a devilish grin on her face.

Will smiled to himself, settling down at the Apollo table across from Kayla, who was chiding a younger camper about their table manners while Austin sat next to her, pretending not to notice.

Will turned to his goblet and ordered a sweet tea. He took a grateful sip and glanced around the pavilion.

Chiron appeared in his usual spot at the front of the pavilion and announcing that dinner had commenced. The last few stragglers hurried to their seats, and Will felt someone plonk down on the bench next to him.

“Hey, Nico.” Will gave him a small smile.

“Hey. How was the infirmary?”

Will nearly choked on his tea. “Good. Quiet.”

Austin was staring at Will, eyes narrowed.

Will dug his nails into his thigh, waiting for Austin to call his bluff, but after a few seconds, he returned to his conversation with Kayla.

Will’s grip eased and he tugged the hem of his shorts down.

_You’re okay. That didn’t count._

“How was your day, Neeks?” Will forced a smile onto his face.

“Fine, I guess.” Nico shrugged, snatching two large Greek salads off the serving tray of a passing wood nymph and setting them down on the table.

“I cleaned my cabin which sucked,” he continued through a mouthful of lettuce and feta. “Oh, and Percy and Annabeth are visiting for the week, so I caught up with them for a few minutes.”

Will looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, Percy Jackson was sitting alone at the Poseidon table, sipping contentedly on a giant goblet of blue liquid. While he couldn’t see Annabeth from where he was sitting, Will figured she was at the Athena table talking about school and ordering some of her more ill-mannered siblings around.

“How are they doing?” Will returned to his salad, munching on a single leaf of lettuce.

“They’re on a break from school so probably pretty good. I only ran into them a few minutes before you got here, and Percy spent most of the conversation whining about his DSTOMP.”

Will was about to ask what in _Hades_ a DSTOMP was when Nico blurted out “Are you sick?”

Will raised an eyebrow. “Why would I be sick?”

Nico nodded towards Will’s salad, which was largely untouched aside from a few olives and some lettuce.

“Oh.” Will’s ears turned pink. “I’m just feeling a little off still. You know, from the shadow travel.”

“Mhmm.” Nico didn’t look convinced. “You should eat more since you missed lunch.”

Will raised his hands in surrender, grabbing his fork and shoving a few more mouthfuls of salad into his mouth. He chewed methodically as Nico watched with narrowed eyes.

Will could not bring himself to look at Nico while he ate. He kept his gaze on the bowl in front of him, his heart beating faster and faster with every bite.

On the fourth mouthful, Will bit back a wave of nausea right as Nico shifted his gaze to Austin and Kayla, who were discussing Austin’s latest Youtube video.

The fork clattered to the table, and Will gripped the bench with both hands, his fingers straining.

_In, two three four. Hold._

Will closed his eyes, his nose scrunching up in concentration.

_Out, two, three, four…_

“Will?” His eyes flew open.

Nico was gazing down at him, his brow furrowed.

He leaned closer to Will, and barely above a whisper, asked “are you okay?”

Will bit his lip. He shook his head slowly, tears welling up in the corner of his eyes.

Nico raised an eyebrow, but Will mouthed _Later._ Nico huffed and placed a hand on Will’s, who allowed him to intertwine their fingers underneath the table. Will scooted closer to Nico so their legs were touching, and drank in the comfort that came from being so close to his boyfriend.

The pair fell into conversation with Austin, who was in the middle of playing the air saxophone and humming wildly.

“And then I’m gonna Clarence’s sweet solo from Jungle-land, you know from-“

“Springsteen’s ‘Born to Run’ album,” Kayla replied dryly. “Yeah, you mentioned that like five times already.”

Austin was not fazed and immediately went back to his theatrical explanation. “So anyway, I’m gonna do the part that goes like _BWANG!”_

Will forced a smile onto his face, trying so desperately to share in the excitement of his sibling, but all he could muster was a sense of mild interest and a hollow feeling in his chest.

When dinner was officially over, Will muttered a cheery goodbye to his siblings and left the table, Nico hot on his tail.

“Hey.” Nico had to jog to keep up with Will. “What’s going on with you?”

Will waved his hand dismissively.

“Are you not going to tell me?” Nico’s tone was sharp. Will stopped walking and looked up at Nico with bleary eyes.

“I will,” he mumbled. “Just not here.”

“Okay fine. What about my cabin?” Nico offered. Will just nodded sadly, and the pair walked off towards cabin thirteen in tense silence. 

To say Will was nervous was a gross understatement. He was _terrified._ Sure, Nico could handle Hollywood scary, but he had never been one to cope well with emotion. The last thing Will wanted to do was overburden him, or Gods forbid trigger him…

Millions of thought ran through Will’s head as they approached the cabin door. Nico held it open before the pair slipped into the darkened cabin.

Will made his way to the edge of the bed, unfurling his fists and flexing his fingers, watching them with sad eyes as they continued to shake. It took him a few moments to register that Nico was sitting next to him, a few inches between them.

Nico called his name gently, but Will did not hear him. His head was screaming a thousand different things at him, and there was only one thing Will could make out:

_Do it._

It rang through his mind, clear as a bell, cutting through all the chaos like a hot knife through butter.

Will grabbed at his hair, pulling at the blonde strands as he brought his head down towards his lap. Will let out a muffled whine as he rocked back and forth, using what strength he had left to resist the urge to do something he couldn’t take back.

He felt a soft hand on his knee.

“Will,” Nico whispered. He was no longer on the bed, but was at Will’s side, crouching down to try and see the crying boy’s face.

“Will, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?”

Will unclenched his fists from his head at the sound of Nico’s voice, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

“I’m sorry…” Will mumbled under his breath. “…I’m fucked up and ‘m sorry…”

Nico felt his face heat up. He tried not to panic. He hated seeing Will so broken but _fuck,_ he was terrible at dealing with this kind of thing. Will was always the one comforting Nico when he was upset, but now Will needed him.

“What’s that thing you taught me?” Nico pinched the bridge of his nose. “The breathing thing for when I have nightmares…Fuck it,” Nico cursed, grabbing Will by the wrist. He hesitated for a second before pressing Will’s hand firmly against his own chest.

“Breathe with me, Solace.” Nico took a few slow, deep breaths, stroking Will’s hand with the pad of his thumb. “Nice and slow, that’s it.”

Will stopped shaking, and slowly lifted his head so he was looking at Nico. Nico took a deep breath before sitting down on the bed next to his boyfriend.

“You scared me there, Solace.” Nico's voice was casual, but there was an unmistakable shakiness to it. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Will yanked his sleeves down, tangling his fingers in the cuff and wiping his eyes. “Can I have a hug, please?”

Nico wrapped his arms around the son of Apollo, tightening his grip and running his hands through Will’s curly blonde hair. He placed a soft kiss on Will’s head.

Will bit back a sob and threw himself around Nico’s neck, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and letting out a huge gasping sob into the younger boy’s shoulder.

Nico rubbed Will’s back with one hand, cradling the back of his head with the other.

“It’s okay, Will,” Nico murmured. “You’re fine. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Will tensed, shaking his head violently into Nico’s shoulder.

Nico gave Will a squeeze, giving him a kiss on the neck. “S’okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry I asked.”

“It’s not that.” Will shifted his body so he was leaning against Nico’s chest, looking up at him. “I want to tell you. Just…not while I’m like this…It’s too much. I promise when I’m calmer I’ll tell you. I made a promise.”

“Okay sure, we can talk later. For now, just rest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if you all want to hear this, but I feel like, as a fanfic writer who writes using Rick's world and his characters, I can't just ignore what has been happening in the fandom the last few days. 
> 
> I do not support Rick's racist depictions, and I stand by all the readers who have been harmed by his choices. You all deserve to be represented in a way that is both accurate to your experiences, cultures and beliefs, and in a way that makes you feel empowered the way that myself and my fellow white readers get to experience on a daily basis. You have every right to demand accountability, and to feel upset about the way your concerns were and are being handled. I hope that he apologizes to all the readers who have been so vocal about these misrepresentations and I hope that he is able to learn from his mistakes and provide positive representation going forward. 
> 
> With that being said, if I ever write or say something that is racist, homophobic, or otherwise offensive to anyone, please let me know. I want to be able to learn from my mistakes, and I always want everyone to feel safe and respected.
> 
> All the best, and stay safe y'all


	9. Face the music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Nico talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for self-harm, anxiety attacks and swearing. This chapter has mega angst, so be careful.

Will awakened to find himself propped up against Nico’s chest, his arms wrapped around the son of Hades. The warmth of Nico’s body seemed to seep into Will’s heart, melting away some of the icy tension that had taken up residence there. For the first time all day, Will felt content, and he wanted to stay in Nico’s arms forever.

Through the cabin window, the sky was backlit with a watercolour-painting of fiery red and orange streaks, which meant the campfire would be starting soon.

Will sighed and sat up. He knew he and Nico needed to talk. Not only did he owe Nico an explanation, but he made a promise to Chiron.

Will’s blue eyes met Nico’s, who looked like he wanted to say something but was holding his tongue.

“I’m okay now Death Boy,” Will smiled weakly. “I’m having a rough day is all.”

Nico’s shoulders relaxed, and he rested his chin gently atop Will’s shaggy curls. “Glad you’re better, Solace. I was really worried for a while. I didn’t know what to do,” he admitted.

“For not knowing what to do, you did a pretty good job.” Will yawned. “How long was I out?”

“Only like twenty minutes.”

“Oh, cool.” Will smiled, but his voice grew quiet. His bottom lip quivered as he fumbled to find the right words as if he hadn’t spent the better part of the afternoon trying to decide what to say.

“Okay, wow,” he started, letting go of Nico’s waist and pulling his knees up to his chest. “I’m not really sure how to even say this, but there’s something I need to tell you, Neeks. And….Fuck…”

“Relax, Solace. It’s just me. Whatever you’re about to say I’m sure I’ve done worse.”

Will blinked a few tears from his eyes and resisted the urge to curl into a little ball and bury his face in the blankets. _This must be how Nico feels when he shadow-travels from his problems._

“So…I know I come off as a pretty happy, easy-going guy. And a lot of the time, I really am happy, but sometimes I get really overwhelmed.” Will tightened his grip around his legs, trying to keep his trembling knees from knocking together “I get these scary thoughts that I can’t get rid of and I don’t know how to cope with everything I’m feeling. So…I do some not-so-great things to try and deal with it.”

Nico nodded slowly. “What do you mean? Like yelling at people? Because I do that all the time and I know it’s not great but it’s not really all that bad-”

“No, not like that,” Will shook his head. “I hurt myself, Neeks.”

Nico’s eyes widened. “Like, on purpose?”

“Yeah, Neeks. On purpose.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Nico, who was clearly at a loss for words, extended his arms, silently offering Will a hug. For once, Will didn’t melt into Nico’s embrace. He closed his eyes and counted out his breaths, his trembling arms falling limply to his sides.

“We should get going,” Will’s head snapped up, and he stood abruptly from the bed. “Wouldn’t want to be late for the campfire.”

“Woah,” Nico grabbed Will’s wrist before he could flee. “We are _not_ done here, Solace. You don’t get to say something like that and just walk out.” He tried to coax Will back towards the bed, but Will yanked his hand back, wrapping his arms around his chest and giving Nico a pointed, albeit teary-eyed, glare.

“Yeah I know,” Nico admitted. “Big words coming from the guy who always shadow-travels away when shit gets hard, but if I’m not allowed to do it, then neither are you. You’re the one always telling me that we have to face the music, Will. So stand there if you want, I won’t make you sit back down if you don’t want to be near me right now, but we are _not_ done with this conversation.”

Will refused to meet Nico’s gaze, taking a step backwards towards the door when a clap of thunder echoed somewhere in the distance. The storm was far away from camp, but Will got the message.

His hands fell limply to his sides. “Okay,” he walked back towards the bed, plonking down on the corner with a huff, a few feet away from where Nico was sitting. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Nico fiddled with his skull ring. He was _not_ good at this.

Nico studied Will quietly, and the pieces started to fall into place. Why Will always wore an extra shirt under his camp one, why he fiddled with his sleeves, how he played with the hem of his shorts and scratched his arms whenever he was stressed.

Nico spent a lot of time amongst the dead, and he had seen his fair share of souls march through the Fields of Asphodel, their bodies mangled and broken from years of trying to numb their pain. Nico always tried to be kind to them, but to think he hadn’t noticed his own boyfriend was suffering so much made him sick to his stomach.

Nico tried to think of something comforting to say when Will broke the silence.

“Can I show you my scars?”

Nico’s head snapped up. “You don’t have to, Will,” Nico cautioned. He knew scars of any kind were intimate and personal. “Only if you want to."

“Yeah,” Will nodded, turning his back to Nico and reaching for the hem of his hoodie. “I want to. Just…just don’t freak out when you see them.”

Will lifted the navy hoodie over his head, placing it on the bed next to him, leaving his in Nico’s short-sleeved ‘Ramones’ t-shirt. He took a shaky breath and turned around.

Nico glanced down Will’s arm, and his heart dissolved like a monster that had just been stabbed with Celestial bronze.

“There’s more,” Will mumbled. “But you get the idea…”

“Oh, Will.” Nico placed a kiss on Will’s temple and gently grabbed his wrist. Will recoiled out of reflex before mumbling a quick apology and letting the son of Hades guide his hand into his lap.

“You can touch them. They don’t hurt anymore.”

Nico hesitated, but Will grabbed Nico’s hand and guided it to his forearm. A chill went down Will’s spine as Nico traced his way up the abused and uneven skin. Angry marks crisscrossed up and down his arms from shoulder to wrist, some with such prominent scar tissue Nico had to wonder if Will had ever meant for them to be the last scars he ever made.

“ _Fuck,_ Solace.” Will tensed under his touch, and Nico swiftly apologized. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just surprised. I know I’m not exactly a poster child for healthy coping mechanisms but _this?_ This is bad, Will. You get that right?”

Will yanked his arm away, his eyes blazing. “I’m a fucking healer, of course I know it’s bad!”

Nico’s nostrils flared, but he bit his tongue. Yelling wouldn’t take this situation any easier, and Will had every right to feel upset.

“I’m trying to stop,” Will continued softly. “It’s just so hard. I love camp, but it’s just one big crisis after another, and we’ve lost so many people and sometimes I can’t help myself.”

“That’s what happened this morning,” Nico said softly, though both boys knew it was more of a question. “When you ran out saying you were late for your shift at the infirmary, you relapsed?”

“I almost did.” Will picked a loose thread on the sheets, biting his lip. “I’ve been really triggered all day and when we were talking about Bianca, and Michael and Lee…It pushed me over the edge. I could feel the relapse coming and I was scared because I had been clean for a while so I panicked and went to go find Chiron.”

“I’m sorry that you’ve been triggered all day and I didn’t notice. And I’m sorry about Lee, and Michael…I wouldn’t have let it go on if I had known.” Will started to apologize, but Nico waved his hand dismissively, rolling his eyes. “I’m not blaming you Solace. And I _know_ you’re not blaming me for not noticing, I just wish I had known so I could have tried to help you. Gods, you’re _such_ a healer sometimes.”

Will couldn’t help but smile in spite of himself. He may be hurting, but dammit he was a healer and that meant he was always trying to make sure others were happy.

“Is Chiron the only other person you’ve told?” Nico wrapped an arm around Will, who had scooted next to him.

“Kind of?” Will sighed. “He’s the only other person who knows but I didn’t exactly _tell_ him so much as he found out on his own. He walked in on me in the infirmary about a year ago testing out some surgical equipment on myself. Since then he’s been trying to help me stop. Michael knew too, but…” Will’s voice got shaky again.

Nico nodded. Say what you want about that centaur but he was always willing to help out a camper, and Nico was glad Will had him to rely on. 

“What happens now, Solace? What can I do to make this easier for you?”

“Well, normally when I um…when I have urges…I spend a night or two with Chiron so he can watch me and make sure I don’t do anything. But he’s out of town and so he said that I could spend the night with you instead, as long as it’s okay with you?”

Will looked so afraid that Nico would say no that Nico couldn’t help but pull the son of Apollo towards his chest and hold him tightly.

“Of course you can stay with me, idiot.” Nico’s tone was gentle and friendly.

“Good,” Will laughed nervously.

“Just tell me what I need to do to make you feel safe.”

Will wanted to say that just being with Nico made him feel safe. That a few nights of staying in the Hades cabin would make his urges disappear in a puff of smoke.

Will wasn’t kidding himself. He knew how desperate he could be when the urges were too much and knew he’d probably try something the second Nico’s back was turned. 

“Just keep an eye on me,” he admitted shyly. “I can be really manipulative when I want to, and I’ll probably beg you to let me be alone and try to convince you that I’m okay. Don't believe me, because if I get desperate enough to beg, I _will_ do something.” Will’s eyes wandered around the Hades cabin as he tried to think of how else to prepare Nico for a night of what was likely to be restless and uncomfortable for them both. His gaze landed on Nico’s stygian iron sword that was leaned up against the cabin wall. His cheeks got hot.

“Um…also it’ll probably be easier for both of us if you get rid of anything that I could hurt myself with. Like anything hot or sharp…”

Nico wiped the few tears that fell from Will’s eyes. “No problem,” he whispered. “After the fire, go back to your cabin and grab some of your stuff, and I’ll sweep the cabin for anything dangerous. Oh,” Nico saw his sword from the corner of his eye. “And I can give that to Percy look after for a couple of days.”

Will raised an eyebrow. “Won’t he get suspicious. I mean, what kind of demigod lends their sword to someone for safekeeping?”

“Don’t worry, Solace. I’ll make something up. Also, Percy is literally the most oblivious person I have ever met.”

Will laughed lightly. _Okay,_ he thought. _Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all._

“Thanks, Neeks,” Will said softly. “It means a lot that you’re helping me. I know it probably isn’t easy.”

“Oh my gods, you have _got_ to stop apologizing. Compared to you, I’ve got the easy job. So don’t sweat it, Okay? You would do the same for me. Now, let’s go to the campfire, yeah?”

Will nodded eagerly and allowed Nico to pull him off the bed. Will quickly the navy sweater back over his head, and Nico grabbed his sword.

The two boys intertwined their fingers and stepped out of the Hades cabin, marching towards the campfire that was blazing in the distance.

When they reached the fire, Nico gave Will’s hand a squeeze and promised to be right back. Will watched as Nico slipped through the crowd towards Percy and Annabeth, who were holding hands and laughing good-naturedly. Nico tapped Percy the shoulder, and the two boys talked for a few seconds before Nico undid the belt around his waist and handed Percy his sword.

Will watched as Nico waved goodbye to the two demigods and made his way back over to Will, grabbing his hand once more.

“All set. You good?”

Will rested his head against Nico’s chest and nodded slowly.

His hand was poised on his forearm, where it had been itching all day, anxiously awaiting the bite of a cool blade or the searing of a hot flame. The itch hadn’t gone away, and he still had urges, but standing there, wrapped protectively in Nico’s arms, obscured by the shadows while the warm campfire eased his aching bones, Will felt like maybe this time, he’d be able to survive the urge.

Maybe this time he’d be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super close to my heart, so I hope you like it :)


	10. Wake me up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will gets ready to spend the night in the Hades cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for references to self-harm (again, not explicit but it's easy to tell what's being referenced), a few f-bombs and some anxiety.

The campfire was a nice distraction.

Campers from the Apollo cabin led a Disney singalong, which had Will smiling and singing and drumming his fingers along to the beat.

Will was impressed when Nico quietly sang along to “Let it Go,” just loud enough for Will to hear him. Of course, Nico had sworn Will to secrecy, threatening to set an entire army of dead squirrels after Will if he told anyone that, not only had he forced Nico to sit through Frozen but that the self-proclaimed Ghost King actually enjoyed it.

Will and Nico were sitting on the ground, their legs tangled together and their backs resting against a log bench. Will’s arms were snaked around Nico’s shoulders, who leaned into his chest, protectively holding Will’s arms around him, their intertwined fingers over his heart.

Will felt safe.

The constant pressure on his chest was replaced with the warm feeling of Nico’s body against his and surrounded by the darkness of the night, the warmth of the fire on their faces and the cheery murmur of the crowd, Will almost felt normal.

The fire lasted about two hours, and as the flames were dying down, Austin treated the camp to a sneak peek of the song he had been talking about at dinner, pulling out his saxophone and dazzling the crowd with a spirited “Jungleland” solo as the campfire flames crescendoed for the last time that night.

The crowd cheered as the fire extinguished, and there was a merry bustle of campers giving Austin their praise and stumbling back to their cabins for the night.

Will loosened his grip on Nico’s shoulders, his arms to falling to his sides and allowing Nico to stand up.

The son of Hades stood up, stretching his legs, before offering Will a firm hand up.

Will’s stomach started to turn. Of course, he knew the campfire was only a temporary distraction, but that didn’t stop him from wishing it could last forever.

The two boys started to walk away from the campfire, with Nico leading and Will falling silently in step beside him. Their fingers were still intertwined, and Will was pretty sure that was the only reason his hands weren’t trembling.

They soon reached a small dirt path that branched off to each of the cabins and came to a stop.

“Go back to your cabin,” Nico whispered, close enough that Will could feel his warm breath on his face. There were still a few campers nearby. “Grab a bag and meet me back at my cabin. I’ll have everything set up for when you get there.”

Will nodded glumly. “What if my siblings ask what I’m doing?”

“Just tell them you’re heading to the infirmary. You’ve done it enough times they won’t know the difference.”

“M’kay…”

“Will,” Nico said firmly, pressing his lips gently against Will’s and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I know…” Will whispered. “I know.”

The two boys parted ways, and as Will marched towards his cabin, he was glad for the darkness because he could feel the fierce blush creeping up his cheeks.

Will felt his luck turn when he pulled open the door to the Apollo cabin and realized that most of the campers hadn’t come back yet. He quickly made his way to his bed, waving at a few of the younger campers who were nestled their beds with their pyjamas on.

He tore open his drawers, grabbing a few pairs of socks, his plaid pyjama pants, some shorts and a handful of shirts. He shoved everything haphazardly into a duffel, glancing nervously over his shoulder every time he heard the cabin door open, terrified that it would be one of his more perceptive siblings, determined to find out why he was leaving before bed.

The few times he had been asked what he was doing, Will murmured on about the infirmary, which seemed to be a satisfactory answer, but he knew his luck wouldn’t hold forever.

He riffled through the back of his dresser drawer, reaching blindly for his toiletry bag when his hand touched something small, and cool to the touch.

Will could feel the blood roaring in his ears as he tried to ignore his racing heart. He quickly grabbed it and felt out his toiletry bag, shoving them both into his duffel and making a mad dash for the door of the cabin. He forced a smile onto his face and said his customary goodnight’s to his siblings before closing the door behind him.

Will slammed against the porch railing, gulping in the cool nighttime air. He closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to steady himself when he heard Austin and Kayla’s voices from somewhere to his left.

Will’s eyes snapped open and made out the dark silhouette of his siblings walking towards the cabin from the fire pit. He uttered a silent curse and quietly made his way down the steps. He thought about just making a run for it before they saw him, but his plan was immediately foiled when Kayla spotted him and gave him a cheery wave.

Will didn’t even bother smiling when he waved back at her. It was dark enough out and there was enough distance between them that he was certain his siblings couldn’t make out his face, so he settled for the wave and made a point of altering his trajectory so it looked like he was walking in the direction of the infirmary.

As they passed each other, about fifteen feet apart, Will felt Austin’s eyes on him, gaze following him for a few steps before turning back to his conversation with Kayla. Will glanced nervously behind him one last time, and when he was certain that neither of his siblings could see him, he veered off course towards the Hades cabin, the anxiety overtaking him.

Will didn’t bother knocking when he reached the Hades cabin, instead, he turned the knob of the door and stumbled into the cabin, his hands shaking.

Nico emerged from the bathroom, and upon noticing the distressed look on his boyfriends face, made his way over to Will and led him silently over to the extra bed that he made up.

Will sat down with a defeated sigh, dropping the duffel bag on the floor and tugging at his sleeves. “I’m okay,” he whispered after a second. “I almost got caught leaving the cabin and got a bit spooked.”

Nico nodded, standing awkwardly in front of Will. “Can I do anything? We can go to bed if you’re tired or-“

“No.” Will shook his head. “I won’t be able to sleep like this. I just…I need a distraction.”

Nico grinned mischievously and crouched down so his face was level with Will’s. “I know just how to distract you.” He leaned forward, his face mere inches from Will and his arms braced against the mattress. 

Will sucked in a sharp breath and felt Nico slip a hand in between the mattress and the boxspring, producing a small deck of cards.

“What the _fuck_ , Nico,” Will laughed, rolling back on the bed and taking a deep breath before laughing once more. “Don’t be so mysterious next time! You gave me all the wrong ideas.”

Nico’s ears turned pink. “What?” He asked innocently, which made Will’s heart swell. “Just thought now would be as good a time as any to teach you how to play Mythomagic…”

Will leaned forward and kissed a very stunned Nico on the forehead. “I would _love_ to learn how to play Mythomagic.”

“I’m playing my ‘Hecate’s Dagger’ card, which lets me steal an enchanted monster card from your deck and place it in mine.” Will reached forward to grab a card with a siren drawn on the front when Nico tutted in disapproval. “ _Now_ what?”

Nico smirked. “You can’t take my siren card because it’s not enchanted.”

“It is literally called the ‘Enchanted Siren’ card. How the fuck does that not count?”

“First, it’s called the ‘Enchant _ing_ Siren’, not the ‘Enchant _ed_ Siren,’ and second, I didn’t place an enchantment on it. ‘Hecate’s Dagger’ only applies to cards that have been given an enhancement. I only enchanted one of mine, which means,” Nico sifted through the cards laid out on the floor in front of him before dropping a green card on his boyfriend’s lap, “you can have my ‘Loyal Satyr’ card.”

Will looked down at the card with narrowed eyes, flipping it over and glaring at Nico. “This card has 2 attack and 3 defence.” Nico nodded. “Your siren card has 15 and 10.” Nico nodded again. “I think you’re cheating.”

“Nope,” Nico replied, flicking the satyr card at a dissatisfied Will. “You just suck at this.”

Will allowed himself to be made a fool of for three rounds before deciding that he did not like Mythomagic. He was about to insist they play something else when he let out a massive yawn.

“We should go to bed,” Nico insisted, gathering up all the Mythomagic cards and placing them back in their box. “Tomorrow we can play something that you’re actually good at.”

Will didn’t protest. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was, so he gathered up his pyjamas and his toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He changed into his flannel pyjama pants and yanked the hoodie over his head to change his shirt when he caught sight of Nico’s Ramones shirt. He straightened his posture and glanced in the mirror, realizing that he liked the way he looked wearing Nico’s shirt, and deciding to wear it to bed. Not to mention, it would probably drive Nico secretly crazy to see Will, the self-proclaimed king of loose-fitting yellows and golds, wearing something tight and black.

It was with a smile on his face that Will opened up his toiletries bag to grab his toothbrush. He rooted around for a brief second, fishing out a canister of floss and a tube of toothpaste, his smile faltering when he noticed what was lurking at the bottom of the bag.

He quickly zipped the bag closed, squeezing some toothpaste on his brush and shoving it in his mouth, trying to ignore the hammering in his chest.

It must have fallen in the bathroom bag when he tossed it in his duffel…He hadn’t even meant to bring it with him…

 _No. You did,_ said a voice in the back of his head. It was no use lying to himself. He tossed it in his duffel for a reason, and now he had to make sure that Nico _never_ found out.

_He doesn’t need to know, I just need to make it through the night and everything will be fine…_

Will felt his gums ache, and he withdrew his toothbrush from his mouth. He inspected the bristles, which were now flattened and worn, and he realized his brushing had been unnecessarily harsh. He spit out the remaining toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, with cold water relieving the slight ache from his stress-induced brushing fiasco. With trembling hands, he blindly shoved everything back into the bag and headed back to his bed.

As he walked out of the bathroom, Will caught a glimpse of Nico staring at him, and quickly wrapped his exposed arms around himself protectively, as if Nico hadn’t seen them just hours before. _Force of habit._ He threw everything back into his duffel and turning around to face Nico, who was still staring.

Will felt his shoulders relax when he noticed that Nico wasn’t staring at his arms, but rather his chest. He smiled in spite of himself. He _did_ look good in this shirt.

“Admiring the view,” Will smirked.

“Shut up, Solace.” The blush crept up Nico’s cheeks, and the son of Hades rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the fact that his lip was trying to curl into a smile.

Will winked and slid under the covers of his own bed, and once he recovered, Nico did the same, making himself comfortable before switching off the cabin light. Both boys were silent for a few moments before Nico spoke through the darkness.

“Wake me up if you need me, Will,” Nico said simply. “Like, for anything. I don’t care if it’s something stupid like there’s a gross bug. Wake me up.”

“Okay,” Will smiled, scrunching up the corner of the blanket and hugging it with one arm. “Goodnight, Neeks.”

“Goodnight, Solace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING FOR LIKE A MONTH! I doing a project for my family, and also there's been some shit going down in my personal life so like this story wasn't at the top of my list of priorities. This chapter is short, and that is mostly because I felt bad for disappearing and wanted to give y'all something to read. The next chapter will be better, and longer :)


	11. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will relapses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. Self-harm, dissociation, blood, swearing, a reference to suicide and a whole bunch of anxiety. This is by far the most triggering chapter I've written, so please please be careful. It's all angst from the beginning to the end, so if reading it might compromise your safety, please just avoid it. If I forgot to tag anything, let me know. Stay safe.

Will was under no delusions that this would be an easy night. Sure, he tried to convince Nico he would be okay, and he had repeated that statement over and over in his head, but he knew it wasn’t true.

When the lights went out, Will sunk into the comfortable bed. He felt his body become heavy, and for one quick second, he allowed himself to hope that he would fall asleep right then and there and that the night would be easy.

Soon, the heaviness he mistook for exhaustion became a palpable sadness, and he felt the weight of all the mistakes he had ever made in his life bare down upon him like a massive wave, ripping the air from his lungs.

Will turned over on his side and shoved a fist in his mouth to try and stifle the sob that was threatening to rip loose from inside him. Of course, his night wouldn’t be easy. It was _never_ easy.

Will threw the blanket over his head, trying to block out everything around him so he could catch his breath. He hoped and prayed that the darkness would hide the shame but it ate away at him, silently, as he tossed and turned beneath the covers trying to shut off the film-reel of mistakes that was playing on a loop in his mind.

When he was eight, he told the neighbour’s boy that he was cute, and had to go to confession every day for a month while his mama silently shouldered the abuse from the parish community.

Or the time he went to his math teacher for extra help and was insulted and shamed for not understanding the work.

Then there was the time he forgot a new camper's name, and when he had asked her to remind him, she burst into tears. He’d had such a busy day, healing campers by the dozens, but that was no excuse. Because of him, a little girl who was already feeling overwhelmed and alone, felt unwelcome, too.

Will broke free from under the covers, sucking in the cool cabin air as hot tears began to pour down his face. He sat up, bringing his legs to his chest and bracing his back against the wall. The sadness was all but gone from his system, replaced with a wave of dangerous anger that rivalled the wrath of even the most temperamental gods.

Both hands braced against his temples, Will clenched his fists, his nails digging into the skin of his palms, giving him a single moment of clarity.

Feeling the panic rise, Will wrapped his arms tightly in the blanket, hoping that the constriction would be enough to satisfy the urge that was beginning to overtake him.

He was angry, and that always meant that he was seconds away from the red zone. Sadness came from somewhere deep inside him, and it never let to more than a few tears and some long naps. But anger? That came from a much more primal place inside him, like a hungry wolf trying to claw its way out of his stomach. He could direct it away from himself, if only for a second, and feel like maybe it wasn’t his fault he was such a fucking mess. He could blame something else and escape responsibility for a while. Sadness was cowardly, but anger was the stuff of legend. If anyone ever had the sense to ask him why he hurt himself, that would be his answer.

Will shook his head violently, placing his hands over his ears. He just needed one second, one moment of pain so that he could finally have some clarity and some quiet.

Will glanced over at Nico’s bed and felt the last string break inside himself. He had promised to wake Nico if he needed anything, but the son of Hades looked so content, and so blissful, that Will didn’t have the heart to drag him into his cyclone of self-hatred.

Images started flashing through Will’s mind. Campers, monsters, blood and bodies...Strewn across the forest floor, the streets of Manhattan, the crest of Half-Blood Hill. All the lives Will couldn’t save because goddammit he just wasn’t good enough. He never had been, and he never would be.

He glanced over at Nico’s bed one last time, praying that he would wake up on his own and come to Will’s bedside, but the son of Hades lay motionless, save for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

Will coughed out a wet sob. He couldn’t take it anymore. Nico had missed his window to help, so now Will had to be quiet to make sure he wouldn’t be interrupted.

He outstretched his arms in front of him and began to run a gentle thumb up and down all the times he’d fucked up in the past, his chest heaving silently as he wept.

With each pass, the tears poured faster and the grip got stronger until Will’s arm felt like it was burning for real and not just from a phantom itch. It was good, but it wasn’t enough.

Will was on autopilot. His mind was divided, with one half screaming at him to stop and wake Nico, the other half wresting the controls and guiding Will off the bed so he could rifle through his duffel bag for the one thing he was craving.

His trembling fingers wrapped around it, and as Will brought it towards himself, he cried harder.

He cried for all the regrets he was reliving, all the pain he had seen and caused, all the anger he felt at himself for wanting to do this, and the pain that he felt when he did.

Will gasped, relief spreading through his system. The blood was roaring in his ears, overpowering all the screaming in his head, and Will knew it had worked.

But the high didn’t last for long. It never did. When he opened his eyes, even in the darkness of the cabin, he could see his handiwork, and panic gripped his lungs like a vice.

Will felt a few more stings as he tried to calm himself down. He focused on the pain, willing himself to stop crying and just fucking _breathe_.

Next to him, a few metres away, Will heard a rustling, and a light switched on. He squeezed his eyes shut, straining against the harsh light, and when he opened them, Nico was at his bedside, trying to wrestle something out of Will’s hand.

“Oh,” Will muttered blankly. He felt a sting on the palm of his hand as Nico pried open his fingers, and he let the contents tumble to the floor with a resounding clank.

“I fucking told you to wake me up, Solace.” Tears were brimming from Nico’s eyes as he wrapped a newly shredded pillowcase around Will’s injuries. “You need a healer.”

Before Will could protest, he was engulfed in darkness for a few seconds before emerging in a room he knew too well - the Infirmary.

Will and Nico had materialized on a clean cot in the back of the infirmary, and Will felt a wave of nausea overtake him. He coughed up his dinner on the cot next to him and leaned over on his side, dizzy from the blood-loss and shadow travel. Nico shouted for someone to help them, but his voice was muffled like he was underwater.

After a few seconds, footsteps approached the room, and a concerned looking Austin poked his head through the door.

“What going on?” He took in the scene in front of him and his eyes widened. “Shit.” He bounded across the room, grabbing some supplies off a cart and heading over to Will’s bedside. “What the fuck happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Will mumbled blandly. “I’m so sorry.”

“He hurt himself,” Nico spat. His trembling hands were covered in blood. “He was staying with me for the night so this exact fucking thing wouldn’t happen and-“

“Hey!” Austin waved a hand in front of Nico’s face. “Go for a walk and catch your breath. I’ve got it from here.”

Nico looked like he was about to protest, but it was clear that Austin wasn’t asking, so Nico glanced at Will one last time before disappearing into the shadows once more.

Austin turned back to Will, and noticing the vomit on the bed next to him, hauled Will up and led him to a clean cot.

“Easy does it,” Austin said, gently pushing Will down onto the bed. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He grabbed a pair of gloves and slowly peeled away the makeshift bandages that Nico had made. He gave Will’s injuries the once over before locking eyes with his older brother. 

Will looked away. He couldn’t bear to look at Austin right now. It was bad enough that he was head counsellor and head-medic, but for his own brother to have to see him like this?

“I’m so sorry,” Will cried. His head fell limply to his chest as he felt the sting of the antiseptic. “I’m a failure and I...Don’t hate me Austin, please. Don’t hate me because I do this.”

Will lifted his head, hoping to see his brother smile and tell him that it was all going to be okay and he could never hate him.

But Austin said nothing. His gaze remained fixed on Will’s arms, as he methodically wiped an alcohol-soaked gauze pad over his injuries, wrapping them tightly in white bandages and disposing of his gloves.

Austin locked eyes with Will for a second when he stood up to grab something off of the medical supply cart. Turning back to Will, his face unreadable, he handed his brother a packet of ambrosia and stared pointedly at Will as he nibbled at the corner of a square. 

“Look.” Austin sighed. “I don’t have to tell you that what you’re doing to yourself is not okay, because I know you know that. And I hate the fact that I’m doing this, but I need to ask you a few questions, okay?”

Will nodded. Part of him wanted his brother to call him a disappointment just to get it over with. He felt so small under Austin’s inscrutable gaze.

“I’m just going to get right to it,” Austin said, gesturing to the clipboard in his hands. “You know what’s coming, and I know it sucks, but we’ve got to do this.”

Will shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t want to kill myself.”

If Austin was surprised, he didn’t show it. He just nodded to himself and checked something off on his clipboard.

“Not the question I would have led with but I’m glad we got that out of the way. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?”

“No.”

“Have you ever taken any substances to alter your mood or mental state?”

“I don’t do drugs, Austin.”

Austin cracked a smile. “Hey, I only ask what’s in the booklet. How has your mood been for the last two weeks? Any trouble concentrating, fatigue, anything like that?”

Will shook his head. “I was fine until this afternoon.”

Austin raised an eyebrow. “Do you think you can give me a little more about that?”

Will slowly told Austin about how triggered he felt after they healed Paolo, his conversations with Nico and Chiron and the moments leading up to his relapse.

Will watched with tears in his eyes as Austin nodded along with his explanation, occasionally jotting things down on his clipboard and nodding encouragingly when Will reached the more difficult moments of the story.

“So it sounds like you’ve been dealing with this for a while then,” said Austin. “Is that true?”

Will looked down at his arms in shame, before whispering a quiet, “Since I was 11.”

“Hey.” Austin set his clipboard aside. “Look at me. Will, look at me.”

Will looked up and locked eyes with his brother.

“I’m sorry that you’re going through this, Will. I really am. It’s not a fun thing to have to deal with, and we _will_ be talking about it more soon, but I need to make sure you understand that there is no reason on this entire fucking planet for you to apologize. Okay?”

Will wouldn’t bring himself to react.

Austin sighed. “I’m serious, you don’t have to apologize to me, Will, or anyone for that matter. This is an illness and an addiction, and I am so sorry that it is something you’re struggling with, but it’s not your fault. We’ve all been through hell, and it affects us all in different ways. Some people feel depressed, some people lash out, but it’s still grief no matter what you choose to do with it. And for fuck’s sake Will, you’re not a failure. I don’t ever want you to think that you are because of this. You’re just a guy that needs some help, okay?”

“Okay,” Will sobbed.

“Good. Now can I give you hug or do I have to just sit here and watch you cry?”

Will smiled through the tears and opened his bandaged arms towards his brother. “Yeah, I could use a hug.”

Austin grinned and sat down on the cot next to Will, who leaned his head on Austin’s shoulder and let himself be wrapped in his brother’s warm embrace.

“I know you said not to apologize,” Will began, “but I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“I mean, it’s not how I would have liked to have found out, but I’m glad I know now. Just…I saw you freaking out after we healed Paolo this morning and…why didn’t you just tell me then? I could have prevented all of this.”

Will lifted his head from Austin’s shoulder and wiped his eyes. “I didn’t want to burden you with all of this. It wouldn’t have been fair, you’re still just a kid.”

“So are you, Will.”

Before he had the chance to respond, someone knocked at the door, and Will glanced up just in time to see Nico walk into the room, his fingers dancing over the spot where his skull ring would normally be.

“You scared the shit out of me, Solace,” Nico grumbled, placing a gentle hand on Will’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Will replied through a deep yawn.

Nico gave Will’s shoulder a squeeze and tried to think of something to say when Austin stood up from the bed.

“You need sleep,” he replied, pointing an accusing finger towards the two teenage boys.”You _both_ do. Will, I want you to stay here for the night so I can keep an eye on you, but Nico you are more than welcome to crash here as well.”

“Uh, thanks,” Nico mumbled, stumbling towards the cot next to Will’s and sitting down, the exhaustion finally hitting him like a truck.

“I’ll check up on you every once in a while. If you two need anything, I’ll be right outside the door.” Austin gave both boys a small smile and made his way towards the exit when Will found his voice, causing Austin to turn back around.

“I still…” Will cleared his throat. “I’m still having urges and I…I’m scared I’m going to try something again,” Will croaked.

Austin gave Will a sad smile, and after a moment of contemplation, walked towards the cabinets and pulled out a small phial and a large green hoodie.

Austin tossed Will the hoodie, who, with Nico’s help, slipped it on over his bandaged arms. Moments later, Austin appeared at Will’s bedside with a small hypodermic needle.

“I’m going to give you something to help you sleep, okay?”

Will nodded, rolling up his sleeve and looking away as the needle pierced his skin.

“That should get you through the night,” Austin replied, disposing of the needle and helping Will pull his sleeve down. “But like I said, if you need me, I’ll be right outside.”

Will nodded, and feeling the drowsiness begin to overwhelm him, allowed Austin to help lay him down and pull the covers over his shoulders. Will grasped his brother’s hand before he could leave, and whispered a soft “Thank you.”

Austin made sure Nico was settled into bed before turning out the lights and wishing the two boys a goodnight. If Will had been lucid enough to realize how quickly he fell asleep, he would have been relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long absence again! I wrote this chapter about a week ago and didn't have the stomach to edit it until today (I wrote it in a bit of an episode so it was a tad painful to go back and proofread). That also means this chapter is very real for me and extremely close to my heart. I hope you enjoy it, and as always, let me know what you think :)


	12. Not a chapter

Hey all,

Just wanted to say sorry for disappearing for over a month with no updates. I'm by no means done with this story, and I will update it eventually I'm just really busy right now. I started my third year of uni and the transition to online has been hectic AF so I'm really trying to stay on top of all my shit. 

I have so many more chapters planned out for this story, so just bear with me for a little while! 

Again, thanks to everyone who reads my content, and I hope that anyone starting school or in school is finding it manageable and rewarding in some way. 

Stay safe y'all!!


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